new moon

new moon, new beginnings, new horizons. stepping into the shadows with a candle flame flickering. there's something tingling beneath my fingertips aching to be embraced; a realization that has lingered outside of my reach for years because i have been too afraid to step toward it. afraid to enter a place unfamiliar. but now it brushes my skin like breezes with kisses of autumn. the promise of cool and change and rest.

beliefs, faiths, religions, myths all spiral around each other. some rarely accept the truth that they are created of the same material - the human yearning for commune with divinity. with the trust of a child i naively accepted for years the primacy of one religion above all others. i struggled to force my experiences and aches within the confines of that religion since that was what was expected of me. but every few years i would begin to writhe in my skin; it never felt right. the most agonizing process was accepting and moving out of the comfort of my childhood religion. i began to search, to learn as much as i could about other religions, myths, faiths - and realized i had been blind. the threads of divinity weave a fabric so complex, so intricate that no one path can complete it.

i am irresistibly drawn to the night, to the moon, to the stars. my spirit is intertwined with the seasons and the sunlight. my soul breathes life. in the spring i long to grow wild with the tender and dauntless green. in summer i bask in sunlight flickering through breeze-tossed leaves. in autumn i crave change and marvel at the slanting golden light, the harvested fields seeming to revel in rest, the gradual and glorious colors blazing in the trees, the gift of chill so tantalizing to the skin. in the winter i drink the frigid air and dance among the snowflakes. the earth sleeps and gathers strength.

these i understand. these miracles garner my praise.

i'm not interested in the might of a warrior God, or the vicious spite of a rule-laden headmaster. i'm not interested in piety. or perfection. i rejoice instead in a living God - a God who teaches through experiences and not through rules; a God who is not a man's man alone, but unified in creation with his lover; a God who understands beyond human perspectives; a God who understands the power of a woman and doesn't silence her; a God who delights in me and my search for truth; a God who doesn't judge.

who needs a judgmental God when humans are judgmental enough?

so i am setting ablaze all i used to know. my old churches and the parametered god they pretend to know. the rules and the well-intentioned proscriptions. i am a solitary, a priestess, a rogue mystic. an earth child.

who i am depends entirely on these preconceptions. in the blaze, i'm burning myself away.