what does it say when only 11 weeks into school, i want to give it all up? forget teaching, forget it all. i was at this point last year during christmas, but not just after halloween. and my classes last year were infinitely more challenging. this year there are only two that sting, and only one that has made my cry. already. twice. in front of them. and today in spite of the negativity banishing charm. i guess life even gets through a witch's defenses.
i think the pain comes from the binding cords. i'm bound. bound by the state that requires skills at the cost of connection to literature. at the cost of learning. bound by my desire to plant some kind of love of literature in these kids. to help them see how much it DOES impact their lives. somehow.
sometimes it feels - not worthless, but hopeless.
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